Why Not Me?

Why Not Me? ☉ Free Why Not Me? pdf ☰ By Mindy Kaling ♮ One evening last year, I was onstage at a QA in Manhattan hosted by a magazine to discuss my life and career This was one of those fancy events where ticket prices are high, and theres wine and cheese beforehand, and cocktails, but no real meal is served at any point It made you wish you had just shushed the naysayers and brought three hot little sliders in your clutch to nibble at opportune moments No one else seemed to mind the lack of food, though, because the theater was packed, primarily with an older, mostly white crowd I was very tired I had filmed a full week on the show, traveled on a red eye from Los Angeles, done press all day, and arrived at the theater It would be the last hurdle before I could go back to my hotel, take off my pants, and eat a room service club sandwich while I watched syndicated reruns of The Big Bang Theory Sheldons sweet bazinga would lull me to sleep, as is always my preference At the end of the interview, the moderator opened the floor to the audience I noticed that the small group of people who lined up to ask me questions looked very different from the majority of the crowd They were mostly young women of color After a few people went, a young Indian girl stepped forward to take the microphone She looked about fifteen, and not only out of place in that crowd but also a little young to be asking a question in front of such a big audience I think she felt it, too, because I could see from the stage that she was shaking After a moment of nervous silence, she asked, Mindy, where do you get your confidence Because I feel like I used to have it when I was younger but now I dont Context is so important If this question had been asked by a white man, I might actually have been offended, because the subtext of it would have been completely different When an adult white man asks me Where do you get your confidence the tacit assumption behind it is Because you dont looklike a person who should have any confidence Youre not white, youre not a man, and youre not thin or conventionally attractive How were you able to overlook these obvious shortcomings to feel confident But this wasnt coming from a white man This was coming from a vulnerable young girl who thought that maybe, when I was her age, I too had faced similar obstacles All she wanted was guidance, or maybe a little empathy My answer was not very good My tiredness betrayed me, and I think I said something like Wow, I dont know I think its from my parents always telling me I could do anything I wish I had a better answer for you I wished her good luck, and she nodded politely and said thank you When I get asked the same question over and over for years, the words of my answer begin to lose their meaning, even for me Talking about confidence has become, to me, like listening to the flight attendant go through the in flight passenger safety announcements I could be leafing through a copy of American Wayas I speak I open my mouth and glib phrases like supportive parents and strong sense of self leak out People seem mollified, but who knows Maybe they are tuning me out too As I watched her walk back to her seat, a wave of guilty regret hit me This girl had done a lot to summon up the courage to ask a question, and she didnt even want anything in return other than my honest answer She didnt want a selfie or for me to read her script, or to call her cousins friend who loved The Officeso she could tell me, No, I loved Office Space Were you in that She just wanted me to give her practical advice, and I answered in a way that was technically true but did not offer a lot of insight And everyone had been fine with it And that really sucks Because then why am I even speaking on panels in the first place So this essay is for that girl who went out of her way to be vulnerable in front of so many people, to whom I gave such a shitty, unhelpful response Because Ive thought about it now and I have my real answer Hopefully she hasnt stopped liking me and moved on to Laverne Cox, though if she did, how could I blame her She seems inspirational as hell and her legs are like whoa For the record, I, like everyone else, have had moments when I felt unattractive and stupid and unskilled When I started at The Office, I had zero confidence Whenever Greg Daniels came into the room to talk to our small group of writers, I was so nervous that I would raise and lower my chair involuntarily, like a tic Finally, weeks in, writer Mike Schur put his hand on my arm and said, gently, You have to stop Years later I realized that the way I had felt during those first few months was correct I didnt deserve to be confident yet I happen to believe that no one inherently deserves anything, except basic human rights, and not to have to watch an ad before you watch a trailer on YouTube So here it is Mindy Kalings No Fail, Always Works, Secret Guide to Confidence This is why you spent your entire vacation reading this book instead of talking to your family Confidence is just entitlement Entitlement has gotten a bad rap because its used almost exclusively for the useless children of the rich, reality TV stars, and Conrad Hilton Jr., who gets kicked off an airplane for smoking pot in the lavatory and calling people peasants or whatever But entitlement in and of itself isnt so bad Entitlement is simply the belief that you deserve something Which is great The hard part is, youd better make sureyou deserve it So, how did I make sure that I deserved it To answer that, I would like to quote from the Twitter bio of one of my favorite people, Kevin Hart It reads My name is Kevin Hart and I WORK HARD That pretty much sums me up Everybody Wants To Be Famous But Nobody Wants To Do The Work HARD WORK OR, THE THING NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT People talk about confidence without ever bringing up hard work Thats a mistake I know I sound like some dour older spinster chambermaid on Downton Abbeywho has never felt a mans touch and whose heart has turned to stone, but I dont understand how you could have self confidence if you dont do the work I work a lot Like, a lota lot I feel like I must have been watching TV as a kid and that cartoon parable about the industrious ants and the lazy grasshopper came on at a vital moment when my soft little brain was hardening, and the moral of it was imprinted on me The result of which is that Im usually hyper prepared for whatever I set my mind to do, which makes me feel deserving of attention and professional success, when thats what Im seeking I didnt always feel this way When I was a kid, I thought I could cruise through life and get ahead on charm, like a little Indian Ferris Bueller In the summer after fourth grade, my parents enrolled me in a two week long basketball camp If it surprises you that a girl with my build was interested in basketball, it should But I was, because I had a fantasy that I was in Hang Time And I was terrible I couldve gotten better, but I didnt want to do drills I just wanted to play pickup games, socialize, and drink Gatorade I never wanted to practice At the end of the two week camp, I was no better at basketball But at the farewell ceremony, trophies were handed out and I got one for Coolest Clothes I ran home, delighted, and placed it proudly on top of our TV for all to see Weeks later, I went to the TV room to find that it was gone My beautiful trophy Was it stolen by a gang of criminals jealous of my peach denim shorts from the Limited Too Mom told me she had put it away I didnt understand Someone had singled me out for praise and the trophy deserved to be seen Then my mom said something to me, slowly and carefully, like she always did to make sure I was really listening They gave you that trophy so you wouldnt feel bad, not because you deserved it You should know the difference I was of course incredibly hurt and thought Mom was nuts I thought, theres a great deal of value in being well dressed at basketball day camp It keeps morale up and adds a sense of cheeky fun to the whole day Later, I realized what she had said was true A bunch of unearned trophies around the house would make me hooked on awards, which is bad in general, but especially bad if you dont deserve them The whole experience made me want to win another trophy, but win it for actually doing something great Hard work is such a weird thing As children and teenagers you are told its a really good thing, but for adults it suddenly becomes the worst thing in the world We do a thing in America, which is to label people workaholics and tell them that work is ruining their lives Its such a wide spread opinion that it seems like the premise to every indie movie is Workaholic mom comes home to find that her entire family hates her Its not until she cuts back on work, smokes a little pot, and takes up ballroom dancing classes with her neglected husband that she realizes what is truly important in life Notwork Working parents have now eclipsed shady Russian esque operatives as Americas most popular choice of movie villain And to some degree, I understand why the trope exists It probably resonates because most people in this country hate their jobs The economies of entire countries like Turks and Caicos are banking on US citizens hating their jobs and wanting to get away from it all And I understand that But its a confusing message for kids The reason Im bringing this up is not to defend my status as someone who always works I swear Im not that Tiger Mom lady I dont think you need to play piano for eleven hours with no meals Or only watch historical movies, then write reports on them for me to read and grade Its just that, the truth is, I have never, ever, ever met a highly confident and successful person who is not what a movie would call a workaholic We cant have it both ways, and children should know that Because confidence is like respect you have to earn it THE TINIEST BIT OF BRAVERY For those of you who would like to have lessconfidence, one way is to constantly read about how people think you suck Or to hear people say stuff like Shes just not a star And I hear that all the time Its especially hard, when you hear these things every day, to want to keep putting yourself out there Peoples reaction to me is sometimes Uch, I just dont like her I hate how she thinks she is so great But its not that I think Im so great I just dont hate myself I do idiotic things all the time and I say crazy stuff I regret, but I dont let everything traumatize me And the scary thing I have noticed is that some people really feel uncomfortable around women who dont hate themselves So thats why you need to be a little bit brave People marvel that I am on TV because I dont look like other people who have been on TV And to some degree, I get it I like the way I look, but Im not, like, someone you could see effectively playing Brookshelle LeFemme on Pretty Lying Childrenor whatever One of the unexpected and wonderfully fair things I have learned in my career is that if Hollywood were filled just with perfect looking people, then soap operas would be the most watched things in the world But theyre not Looks are great, but theyre not compelling enough Ive noticed that successful actors with long careers are usually talented actors with charismatic screen presences, and allof them must exude one thing confidence Yes, a lot of them are good looking, but from my eleven years in Hollywood, I have learned a secret good looking by Hollywood standards is achievable by every human on the planet Every average looking American is just a treadmill and six laser hair removal sessions away from looking like Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively who are a great couple, by the way So thats what I think whenever I read something like Howd this chick get a job I guess theyre just giving away shows to every overweight minority woman who wants one now Hahaha So even though that hurts my feelings, Im smart enough to realize, Oh, this poor dummy doesnt understand the way Hollywood works Then I think of ways that I would beat him to death with my SAG Award Which is why you need the tiniest bit of bravery People get scared when you try to do something, especially when it looks like youre succeeding People do not get scared when youre failing It calms them Thats why the show Interventionis a hit and everyone loves worrying about Amanda Bynes But when youre winning, it makes them feel like theyre losing or, worse yet, that maybe they shouldve tried to do something too, but now its too late And since they didnt, they want to stop you You cant let them WE CAN DO IT NO, IM SERIOUS WE REALLY CAN A general assumption about confidence is that women, particularly young women, will have very little of it, and girls will have zero of it Just the attitude alone makes me sad We have to help our girls and teach them to be confident Well, guess what, young girls You arent damsels in distress You arent hostages to the words of your peers You arent the victims that even your well meaning teachers and advocates think you are We just assume boys will be confident, like how your parents assume you will brush your teeth every morning without checking in on you in the bathroom With girls, that assumption flies out the window Suddenly, your parents are standing in the bathroom with you, watching you brush your teeth with encouraging, worried expressions on their faces Sweetheart, you can do it We know its hard to brush your teeth We love you Which must make girls think, Yikes Is brushing your teeth a really hard and scary thing to do I thought it was just putting toothpaste on a toothbrush I get worried that telling girls how difficult it is to be confident implies a tacit expectation that girls wontbe able to do it The good news is that, as a country, we are all about telling girls to be confident Its our new national pastime Every day I see Twitter posts, Instagram campaigns, and hashtags that say things like We Will or Girls Can or Me Must, I Too on them I think widespread, online displays of female self confidence are good for people, especially men, to see I just sometimes get the sneaking suspicion that corporations are co opting girl confidence language to rally girls into buying body wash Be careful So, if that girl from the panel is reading this, I would like to say to her Hi, its Mindy Kaling Im sorry I let you down The thing is, Im in my mid thirties and I was wearing my Spanx for fourteen hours straight Youll understand when youre older Heres how I think you can get your confidence back, kid Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled Listen to no one except the two smartest and kindest adults you know, and that doesnt always mean your parents If you do that, you will be fine Now, excuse me, I need to lie down and watch Sheldon.Kaling has written a second book thats funnier, sharper and confident than her 2011 collection of personal essays and pop culture riffs called Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me And Other Concerns Even the title of that initial effort implied that Kaling was trying to find her place the tone of this new one announces that shes found it and is than comfortable inviting people to spend time with her there Washington PostFunny, thoughtful essays and anecdotes writtenin the stars trademark voice But this time around, things arejust little grown upThis is Kaling at the height of her power USA TodayMindy Kaling may be gearing up for the fourth season of her TV show, The Mindy Project, but that didn t deter her from writing another wildly entertaining and completely relatable book Her first memoir, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me And Other Concerns , spent time on several best seller lists Why Not Me will certainly follow in its footsteps Associated PressHilariousKaling knows her strengths, and plays to them brilliantlyAside from that effortlessly conversational tone and her pitch perfect humor, Kalings biggest strength here is curatorial She gives us the candy we came for the advice, the anecdotes, the straight talk on body image but sprinkles in something extra Entertainment Weekly, A Why Not Me is all that we ve come to expect from the creator and star of The Mindy Project refreshing, confident, genuine, and, yes, absolutely hilarious Refinery29insightful personal essays from one of Hollywood s cleverest writers Intrepid and often irreverent, Kaling humbly probes her own triumphs and defeats with laugh out loud results Kirkus ReviewsKaling s irreverent take on life is both uproariously funny and dead onAdvice on a variety of topicsincluding why extensions make everyone beautiful and how the world needs to start assuming that all young women are confidentmake this an empowering and entertaining read Publishers Weekly Why Getting Sparked Up With AdvoCare Is I m glad you posted this know someone who sells and was trying to get me on board as well mentioned that 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  • Format Kindle
  • 240 pages
  • 0804138168
  • Mindy Kaling
  • Anglais
  • 21 April 2017