⥌ read entire ᖱ Freeing Your Child from Anxiety, Revised and Updated Edition: Practical Strategies to Overcome Fears, Worries, and Phobias and Be Prepared for Life--from Toddlers to Teens online free ⦦ Kindle By Tamar Chansky Ph.D. 䏭 Chapter 1I Cant Im Too ScaredUnderstanding Childrens Fears and WorriesFrom the children When I was little my mom worked the graveyard shift at the hospital Every night I was so worried that meant she was going to die and Id never see her again.I hate having to worry all the time I cant do anything without thinkingare my parents okay is my family okay It is always in the back of my mind I wish I could just turn off my mind, but then I feel like a bad person for feeling this way, because I love my family and I dont want anything bad to happen to them.My parents get mad at me for staying up late working They keep telling me to stop worrying That stresses me out They have no clue the pressure Im under It wasnt like this for them Everything I do counts for college Theres nothing to cut out, this is just my life.From the parents Until he knows for sure, he cant, he wont How do I convince him life is OK I feel like the worst parent I want to help my son, but I lose it and I know thats not helping anything I start out patient, but nothing I say makes him feel better Then I get frustrated and its a mess.My son is so worried all the time hes constantly in this bubble of stress The other kids are oblivious all around him They are just being kids I wish so much that he could be like them.If you want to make things better, you first need to know whats wrong In this chapter were going to explore exactly what an anxious childs inner experience is like and the different ways that anxiety can manifest Well explore the fine line between when anxiety is normal and when its not, and well take a look at what causes anxiety All of this will help you empathize with your childs experience so that you can better help him overcome his worries and fears.The Problem of Living on High AlertDont run into the street Stop climbing on that Careful, that will break Words like these are staples in most parents rule books, but most parents of anxious children find they never have to utter them The mind of a worrying child is already fielding hundreds of internal be careful or watch out or simple dont messages every day Rather than insisting that their child do their homework as in most families, you may be wresting papers from your kid, convincing him he has done enough and its time for bed In fact, you may even find yourself kept in check by your worrying childDid you lock the door Is the gas tank full Did you send in the permission slip Though it can often be confusing or frustrating to parents that their child must feel every wrinkle in the day and race ahead to prepare for every eventuality, we must understand that anxious kids are just following the instructions that their worry brain is giving Proceed with caution handle with care warning danger ahead.Whether they are worrying too much about typical concerns such as grades or friends, or being frightened by unlikely disasters like getting a fatal disease or becoming homeless, anxious children are highly cautious because their mind is giving them unreliable, biased information and overcorrecting for the possibility of danger But they dont know that They are orientedby their wiring, or their experiencesto see danger when its not there Though it sometimes seems that anxious children go looking for troublewhether it is overhearing a conversation in the hallway about lice, or financial stress or heart attack, their hearts sink and their worry soarsthey dont want to be this way They are equipped with a system that is programmed to be highly sensitive to any hint of uncertainty, to risk, to danger But its a system that is not very good at interpreting that risk or uncertainty So kids notice everything but dont get any help putting those observations into perspective.Sometimes anxious kids recognize that they are different from their peers, but oftentimes they assume that this is just who they are, rather than seeing this as a problem that can change But to be an anxious childat any ageis to juggle it is to live a double life As one articulate youngster said My heart is telling me things that make my stomach feel bad On the one hand, there is a constant barrage of catastrophes, worries, and disasters flashing through their minds Their default setting is high alert Meanwhile, on the other hand, their parents and teachers tell them not to worry, and sometimes these adults even get frustrated with them for feeling the way they do This adds to their worry, because now they feel theyre doing something wrong Conducting their lives as if theyre in the middle of a fire station, anxious children are constantly on edge, waiting for the next alarm to sound, the next disaster to strike, and amazingly with all of that going in their minds, to the outside world anxious children often fly right under the radar of the best trained eyes It is much to their credit that they can keep all the balls in the air and do so wellbut it is not without a cost.Parents juggle too On one hand, they feel embarrassed when its their child who is hiding in the corner at the birthday party, in tears at the school play, or unable to go on the school camping trip In these moments they just want to make the problem stop On the other hand, they feel scared If my child is struggling with all these hypothetical fears in the midst of a pretty great life, how will they ever survive when they have a real problem Caught between these two views and feeling helpless, they may try to diminish the fear, ignore it, or even get frustrated at their child for being anxious But what they need to do is understand what is going on Thats the beginning of finding a new solution.Make It Stop The Problem with Anxiety The Emergency That IsntAll children need to know that they are safe and that their parents will protect them Anxious children are no exception, but helping them feel safe is a complicated and often frustrating endeavor This is the poignancy of an anxious child.He or she comes to you, drops their fear, unhappiness, or uncertainty in front of you, and waits for you to fix it Struggling with invisible enemies, they want you to save them as you would protect them from any concrete danger You see your child unraveling and that the degree of distress your child is feeling is out of proportion to the situation, but what hes experiencing feels like an emergency, and he wants you to take away the emergency or he wants to escape.Put those two together and your child might get angry or frustrated at you for not being able to save him and make him feel better He might think that you are being mean because you cant make it better, or even that youre choosing not to make him feel better because you wont do the simple things he asks like letting him stay home from school or assuring her for the twentieth time that morning that she wont throw up And you probably feel frustrated yourself that the usual magic touches of parenthooda hug, a kiss, and some reassuring wordsarent doing a thing While you could do all the things that your anxious child asks, you know that meeting these surface needs will not free her in the long term, but will only engender dependence on you for reassurance forever Anxious children feel trapped, and they want you to get them out The that you understand that what is trapping your child is the faulty information their brain is telling them, the you will be able to separate the worry from your child and help them begin to correct the distortions and mistakesby themselves.Fear A Normal and Necessary Part of LifeWhat is the setup for anxiety Fear On one hand, fear is an adaptive human reflex and an essential safeguard for survival, for children and adults alike Fears and worries can help children put on the brakes in unfamiliar situations Rather than hurling yourself into a swimming pool when you dont know how to swim, for example, a good dose of fearful what if can keep a healthy degree of caution in the picture Because our natural inclination is toward growth and development, we would not survive as a species if it were not for our ability to hold back and appraise and avoid danger It is a protective mechanism and a normal part of development.Fear can be considered the emotional response that occurs in the space between confronting a new situation and actually mastering it Anxious children are wired to notice these gaps than others Rather than responding with delight and curiositya desire to master something newthey become derailed by an overwhelming feeling of distress and concern The whats new is eclipsed by whats wrong.Temporary fears are a normal and healthy part of development In the same way that adults may be fearful of a new piece of technology until we have figured out how it worksand may even entertain unrealistic scenarios of blowing up the computer by pushing the wrong buttonkids fears are fueled by an active imagination, trying to piece together an explanation for how the world works in the high stakes context of their safety A little information goes a long way A four year old at the aquarium is afraid of seeing the sharks because shes old enough to understand that sharks are dangerous, but shes not old enough to understand that she can watch safely from outside the tank An eight year old is beginning to understand about germs and disease, but he cant yet grasp how unlikely it would be to get sick just from engaging in normal activities.The Typical Developmental Sequence of Fears in ChildrenThere is a normal unfolding of fears for all children, not just anxious ones, over time A healthy safeguard, these fears mirror their development as their world broadens and they encounter new experiences that they have not yet mastered As children interact with the new experiences they gain confidence and competence and move on to the next stage.Infancy Babies fears are immediate and concrete In response to a growing ability to differentiate familiar faces from unfamiliar faces, stranger anxiety clinging and crying when a stranger approaches develops around seven to nine months and typically resolves by the end of the first year Infants fear separation, loud noises, and sudden movements.Early childhood As a healthy attachment to parents grows, separation anxiety crying, sadness, fear of desertion upon separation emerges around one year of age and improves over the next three years, resolving in most children by the end of kindergarten As childrens worlds expand, they may fear new and unfamiliar situations, as well as real and imagined dangers such as big dogs, spiders, or monsters.Elementary school With access to new information and a growing ability to grasp the gravity of events, children begin to fear real world dangersfire, burglars, kidnappers, storms, illness, drugs With experience, they normally learn that these risks present remote, rather than imminent, danger They continue to struggle with what is real and what is notso fears of ghosts, witches, and zombies are common.Middle school The growing importance of social status leads to social comparisons and worries about social acceptance Concerns about test grades, crime, social isolation, athletic performance, and social group identification are normal.High school Teenagers continue to be focused on social acceptance, but with a greater concern for finding a group that reflects their chosen identities They tend to worry about the narrow focus of their social relationships as well as about the larger world, moral issues, and their future failure or success.The chart that follows provides an example of the top ten fears for typical boys and girls in this study, ages nine to thirteen , without any anxiety or other diagnosis, and how they differ by gender.Boys FearsGirls Fears1 Spiders 1 Spiders 2 Predators 2 Being kidnapped 3 Being hit by a car 3 Parents dying 4 Snakes 4 The dark 5 Burglar 5 Frightening movies 6 Frightening movies 6 Thunderstorms 7 The dark 7 Being teased 8 Being teased 8 Bats 9 Frightening dreams 9 Bats ghosts spooky things 10 Medical operations 10 Sleeping in the dark making mistakes Source Muris, P., Merckelbach, H., Collaris, R 1997 Common childhood fears and their origins Behavior Research and Therapy, 35 10 , 929937.Anxiety Unnecessary and DisruptiveIn contrast to fear, which is a natural, adaptive, immediate reaction to a stimulus, anxiety is the tense emotional state that occurs when you cant predict the outcome of a situation or guarantee that the outcome will be the desired one Its the mind doing guesswork, and by always guessing catastrophe, it doesnt guess well It is not adaptive but disruptiveat the very moment when it would be helpful to lean in and get information about an unknown or new situation, anxiety takes our attention ninety miles an hour into the future, into disasters that will probably never happen Meanwhile, the real problem is still waiting for us to solve itbut weve been so dragged around by worry that we cant think straight or see our options.Even in the best circumstances children experience some fear and worry Anxiety becomes a disorder when a child automatically exaggerates risks and underestimates his ability to cope with a given situation to the extent that this interferes with his functioning about this in Chapter 2 Anxiety is debilitating internally to children, causing chronic fatigue and putting children at other physical risks like hypertension, heart disease, and gastrointestinal and respiratory disorders It is also implicated in the development of depression and substance abuse, and it is associated with decreased immune function in general Just as dangerous, anxiety hinders and restricts childrens movement in the world around them, affecting how they function in school, how they interact with peers, and their role in their family The familiar stereotype of the worrywart belies the serious physical and emotional risks and consequences of untreated anxiety.Who Is the Anxious Child Anxiety has many faces Some children appear visibly stressed, while others keep their anxiety under cover and worry silently Still others are angry anxious kids, reacting to their limitations with frustration Approximately one in five children will develop an anxiety disorder of some kind We know that the rates of anxiety disorders tend to increase slightly with age, but most studies of anxiety disorders draw from a sample of children over seven, so the prevalence of anxiety disorders in very young children is unclear Girls tend to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders often than boys Interestingly, though, boys are brought to treatment as the outward signs of anxious behavior, like crying, shying away, and overt distress, tend to be less socially acceptable in boys than in girls.Praise for Freeing Your Child from Anxiety An excellent book, one of the best of it s kindThis book has the potential for helping thousands and thousands of children, their parents, and their families Judith S Beck, PH.D., President, Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research, Clinial Associate Professor of Psychology in Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania The master of providing clear, accessible, practical advice and guidance for wise and loving care of the anxious child Jeffrey M Schwartz, M.D., author of Dear PatrickPraise for Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., has done it againwritten another incredibly helpful, practical book Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking offers specific strategies for parents or any adult to use with children and describes variations on these strategies for younger children and older adolescents Every parent who has a pessimistic, negativistic child should read this book As parents use the thinking and behavioral strategies that Dr Chansky recommends, they will undoubtedly find that they themselves are becoming optimistic and positive, not only toward their child but also generally in their own lives I highly recommend this wonderful book Judith S Beck, Ph.D., Director, Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research and Clinical Associate Professor of Psychology in Psychiatry, University of PennsylvaniaMany youngsters are burdened by self doubt, negative feelings, and depression Their lack of confidence and sadness typically trigger feelings of confusion and distress in their parents as the latter struggle to find the best approach to help their children develop a optimistic, resilient outlook Tamar Chanskys book Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking offers a wonderful resource for parents In a very skillful manner, Dr Chanskys explains the roots of negative thinking, but most importantly, she offers specific, realistic strategies with actual dialogue that parents can use to minimize their childs negativity Her empathy and understanding for children and parents is evident on very page of this very readable, practical book It is a book that parents of children of all ages will read and re read as they seek to help their children perceive themselves in a hopeful light Robert Brooks, Ph.D., Faculty, Harvard Medical School and co author of Raising Resilient Children and Raising a Self Disciplined Child Tamar Chansky gives parents a dynamic approach to helping their children escape thinking badly about themselves and their world thoughts ranging from mild negativism to clinical depression Her insightful and creative techniques, based on scientifically grounded cognitive behavior therapy, are, on any given day, helpful not only for parents and their children but for all of us Next time I want to blame myself for something that went wrong, or feel terrible about something I did, I will open this book and I know I will soon feel better Myrna Shure, Ph.D., author of Raising a Thinking Child and Thinking Parent, Thinking Child Tamar Chansky has distilled cutting edge research on optimism, pessimism, depression, and resilience into an incredibly thoughtful guide for parents Her book is full of suggestions about what to look for and what to do and what not to do that parents should find engaging and accessible Reading this book should ease the worries of both parents and their children Barry Schwartz, author of The Paradox of Choice and Professor of Psychology, Swarth CollegeIn a clearly readable fashion, Dr Tamar Chansky combines clever phrasing for adults along with kid speak to communicate with youth From her having worked with anxious youth who struggle with all of the possibilities too many , Dr Chansky shifts to the negative youth who see no futurethe youth who mistake one thing for everything She walks the reader through discussions that focus on how negative experiences happen to everyone, and that they are manageable and temporary This book is not a review of the scientific literature, but it is a readable set of guidelines and understandings that are informed by it Philip C Kendall, Ph.D., ABPP, Professor of Psychology and Director, Child and Adolescent Anxiety Disorders Clinic, Temple UniversityFor every parent who wants their child not to feel bad, here is an excellent book to feel great about In Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking, Dr Chansky abundantly gives parents powerful, easy to apply tools to ensure the emotional health and success of any child I hope no parent trying to help their child to get ahead misses out on reading this wonderful book packed with valuable advice Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., author of 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child Freeing Your Child from Anxiety by Tamar You just have to pick and choose what works for you, your child, particular situation Some tactics work better that others are at different ages I think it is a helpful resource in developing own child s best treatment plan Helping through their anxiety issues hard Freeing Powerful, Practical Solutions Overcome Fears, Worries, Phobias, book Dr Tamar Chansky Negative Thinking Lees Thinking Strategies Build Lifetime of Resilience, Flexibility, Happiness door Obsessive Obsessive Compulsive Disorder A Program Parents Children Adolescents E on From For Sale freeing sale right now online Shop today the internet Command and Control: Nuclear Weapons, the Damascus Accident, and the Illusion of Safety revised updated edition practical strategies overcome fears worries phobias be prepared life Negative great with advice everyone Even if doesn t tend towards negative, this details how help maintain positive outlook The teaches you coach as analyze problem find out part went wrong instead thinking everything book As family psychologist, am grateful able recommend parents helps make sense about children, provides them numerous attend children productively Ocd Book re terrified losing angry havoc disorder has wreaked More than anything, want unlock secrets OCD, understand cause bizarre symptoms, break free these disruptive, relentless thoughts actions In Anxiety, childhood specialist examines all manifestations fears, including social anxiety, Tourette Syndrome, hair pulling, Disorder, guides proven program back emotional safetyWorryWiseKids Chansky, PhDKILA PhD Founder Director, Adult Center OCD tamarchansky licensed Director About Psychologist, Speaker, Author Plymouth Meeting, PA Compulsive TAMAR CHANSKY, founder director member OC Foundation, Association America American Psychological She offers expert guidanc Tamar PANDAS PANS Support Home Support Groups Providers Return Previous Page Title Position Yourself An Interview Borchard, T Interview With Psych Central Dr PHD Meeting, female health care provider Psychologist listed her primary medical specialization Her credentials office located Butler Pike suite Their phone number, directions, ratings, comparisons, specialties can viewed below Steps Your Following master helping resist negative presents How Improve Relationship One psychologist dedicated teens, adults helped thousands gripping mental Overcoming Emetophobia, aka Fear of Submitted February , pm Thank so much comment Integrated Behavioral Health IBH Services interventions adults, families assessments We deliver cost effective Fear Psychology Today vital response physical danger we didn feel it, couldn protect ourselves legitimate threats But often Child Parents Visit award winning site list hand selected books ways dealing difficult emotions Emotional Intelligence How emotionally intelligent why should By Susan Krauss Whitbourne Does exist What its significance John D Mayer Ph Taking Charge Tics and important caveat working kids tics listen carefully whatthey telling If aren bothering Freeing Your Child from Anxiety, Revised and Updated Edition: Practical Strategies to Overcome Fears, Worries, and Phobias and Be Prepared for Life--from Toddlers to Teens
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- Tamar Chansky Ph.D.
- 10 January 2016 Tamar Chansky Ph.D.